Best Friends: Mulder's Girlfriend by TBishop27@aol.com Rating: R for language in this first part only. NC17 to follow. Category: MSR Archiving: Yes, just tell me where. Disclaimer: This Mulder and Scully are mine. Chris would never let his play like this. Spoilers: Yes. Summary: Scully's feelings for her partner are forced out into the open when another woman comes into the picture. Author's note: This is my first attempt at a series. I will continue as long as there appears to be an interest, both yours and mine. Feedback: Please. Let me know if you want this to continue. As always, flames will be forwarded to that dark part of my writer's imagination that roams the night in search of victims. BEST FRIENDS: Mulder's Girlfriend I, Dana Scully, am in love with my partner, Fox Mulder. Stunning revelation that it is, only recently have I been honest enough with myself to admit it. I don't even know when it happened. Somewhere along the line in our seven year partnership I fell hopelessly in love with the man. I'm talking real love. The forever kind. God, help me, I'd do anything for Mulder. We're best friends. I should be grateful for that, and I am. Really. Did I mention my best friend is seeing someone? The worst part is, it's completely my fault. I pushed him into it, although it was certainly not my intention. Me and my big mouth. 'Mulder, you need to get a life. When was the last time you asked a woman out on a date? Have some fun for a change. Take a risk.' He chooses now to finally follow my advice. But I meant ME! I know I'm not the best at flirting, but I thought I was sending him the right signals. And he seemed to be responding in kind, which is what brought me to be so bold as to suggest the whole dating thing in the first place. I could just kick myself now. What ever made me think Mulder would actually ask me out on a real date? I've been opening myself to too many extreme possibilities. I'm starting to believe in fairy tales! If I had only approached this scientifically, I probably would have realized I didn't stand a chance with him. I never should have ignored the facts. Fact one. I'm his partner, for the love of God! One doesn't date one's partner. Well, technically, there's nothing stopping you. The Bureau hasn't made it official policy that dating is forbidden between partners. It's just sort of unwritten etiquette that one should avoid such behavior. Oh, there's that fraternization rule, but that's mostly just a legal thing to be used in sexual harassment cases. It's not like they'd separate us if they found out we were involved. We'd have to do it on the AD's desk to get that kind of a reaction. I have to laugh at the thought. I do believe I stand a better chance of getting Walter Skinner to do the wild thing with me than Fox Mulder. Too bad I'm not in love with my Assistant Director. Okay, fact number two. Mulder considers me his best friend. He doesn't have many friends. I suppose he would think it foolish to risk messing up our friendship by bringing sex into the equation. I'm an important part of his life. He needs me, or so I've been told. Gambling with our relationship is probably out of the question, as far as he's concerned. After all, we are closer than most married couples. He knows he can count on me. He never has to wonder if I'm going to be there for him should he need me. Why mess with that? Why indeed. Fact three. And this is a bitter pill to swallow. I'm not his type. I'm well aware of Mulder's preferences. A Diana Fowley I am not. Nor am I a Phoebe Green. And I'm certainly not a Bambi Berenbaum or an Angela White either. Although, to be honest, I don't really believe Mulder was seriously interested in the latter two. Not in a long term relationship kind of way. Mulder likes women who are very sexual. Beautiful women who are confident and aggressive. Women he can't wrap around his little finger from the first time he meets them. Well, that pretty much takes me out of the running. Which brings us to fact four. Even if he was attracted to a short, redheaded, FBI pathologists who follows him around like a damn puppy dog, he knows me too well. He knows all my flaws. He's seen me at my worst, despite my best efforts to avoid such indignities. He's well aware of the emotional baggage I carry with me. He knows my weaknesses, my failings, and my inadequacies. Mulder's been there for many of the injuries, so he knows where most of the scars are, both physical and emotional. I'm not a very attractive package when you stop to consider everything Mulder knows about me. Fact five is directly related to four. Mulder blames himself for most of the damage that has been wrought on me. When he looks at me he sees cancer and computer chip implants, my dead sister, and Emily. He sees me half frozen, infected with an alien virus in that ship in Antarctica. He sees me in a coma in the aftermath of my abduction. And every damn time he notices me look at an infant, I know what he's thinking. I know he's blaming himself for that too. I am one big fucking guilt trip for him. It doesn't matter that I hold him completely innocent in all of this. No matter how many times I tell him that I choose to stay with the X-Files at my own risk, he still thinks what happens to me is because of him. Who wants to sleep with their onus? What in the name of God was I thinking? Science. I abandoned my science. Oh, I know love isn't supposed to be looked at clinically or even rationally, but if I had, I wouldn't have completely screwed myself over. Mulder would still be my Mulder, however platonic; and I wouldn't be sitting up at three o'clock in the blessed AM imagining him rolling around in the sheets with that lanky blond knockout he's been parading around with the past two weeks. To be fair, she's an intelligent, friendly, likable woman with a promising career as a legal advisor to the State Department. And I hate her so much I want to kill her. I know that's horrible, but every time I see her with him I want to take her down. If he's smart he'll never leave us alone in the same room together, at least not when I'm armed. Yes, I'm terribly jealous. Insanely so. I'm surprised my eyes haven't turned from blue to green, for certainly I am possessed by the monster. I'm sure Mulder's noticed. I haven't exactly hidden it very well. I wonder what he thinks? Must be a real ego trip for him. I just pray to God he doesn't start teasing me about it. He does love to tease. But this I couldn't take. It would humiliate me to the point of mortification. It would be the cruelest thing he could ever do to me. It's awful enough hearing him talk to her on the phone. The way his voice gets all sweet and sexy. Hearing his soft, seductive laughter in response to whatever it is she says to him on the other end of the line. If I can get away, far away, I do. But sometimes he talks to her on his cell phone when we're driving in the damn car and I'm trapped. I stare out the passenger window and endure. What else can I do? I don't think Mulder would understand if I grabbed the God damn phone out of his hand and threw it out the window. Although, I've contemplated it as a viable possibility more than once. That would look wonderful on the expense report. Agent Mulder is requesting compensation for yet another cell phone as his partner threw it out the window of a speeding car in a jealous rage when he was talking to his girlfriend. He shouldn't be talking to her on Bureau time anyway! I don't know how I will be able to continue handling this. It's going to affect our partnership if I don't find a way to cope. But how am I supposed to deal with the fact that the man I love is involved with someone else? I could try to suffer through, if I thought it was a short term thing. But I have seen no indication that he's becoming disenchanted with her. I could ask Skinner for a transfer, but that wouldn't be fair to Mulder. He's entitled to a personal life without consequences to his professional relationships. Besides, I don't want to leave him. That would only make me more miserable. As much as I hate it, I can see there's only one real option here. I'm going to have to swallow my pride and talk to him about it. He's a decent man. And he is my friend...God, I'm starting to hate that word. I will talk to him and explain the situation and ask him to please be a little more discrete around me. It will be embarrassing for us both, I'm sure, but I'm desperate at this point. Hopefully, if I don't have to come face to face with the reality of Mulder's girlfriend on a daily basis, I'll be able to put it out of my head and work with him like we always have. Hell, I'm great at denial. It could work. I just have to do it before I chicken out. Tomorrow. We have to drive to Richmond tomorrow for a follow up on the Garrison murder investigation. I'll tell him then. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Scully sure seems nervous this morning. She's fidgeting. Scully doesn't fidget. What ever is bothering her, it must be big. At least she doesn't seem to be angry with me. I can't tell you what a relief that is. Hell hath no wrath like my Scully. I do wish I knew what was going on inside that pretty little red head of hers. She looks tired. Probably didn't sleep well last night. Now that I think about it, she's been a little off her game lately. Looking tired, acting more pensive than is usual for her, maybe even a bit melancholy. She's even lost some weight recently. You don't suppose... "Scully, are you okay? It's not the cancer again?" I can't help it just comes out before I can stop myself. She turns from the passenger window to me so fast, she probably gave herself whiplash. "What?" "I know something's wrong. What are you keeping from me?" I brace myself for the devastating confession I have feared most since her cancer went into remission over a year and a half ago. Maybe I should pull the car over. "It's not the cancer, Mulder." She reaches over and touches my arm, but only for the briefest of moments. Just enough to reassure me. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. Thank you God! Fighting back a relieved grin, I chance a look at her, and everything changes again. She's crying. It's only a single tear drop clinging to her eyelash but it hits me like a punch to the gut. It takes a hell of a lot to make Dana Scully cry. She is a five foot two tower of emotional strength. What ever is wrong, I know it's going to knock me on my ass. I check the rear view mirror and pull the car off onto the side of the road. Wouldn't you know it. As soon as I turn off the ignition, my cell phone rings. I sigh in frustration. I know who it is. Cynthia, this woman who I've been seeing. It was actually Scully who suggested I start dating again. She basically goaded me into it. Now I'm worried as to why. Is she leaving me? Was that what it was all about? Did she mean for it to soften the blow? As if anything could. I'd be lost without her. "Answer it, Mulder." She says, snapping me out of my panic. I fumble for the phone with unsteady hands. "Mulder." (Fox, can you talk?) Cindy's voice usually sends a chill through me, but at this moment it's grating on my raw nerves. "Not now, baby. Can I call you back?" I see Scully wince and turn back to the window. (I'm about to go into a meeting, darling. It could last quite a while. Why don't I just try you back later this afternoon?) "Sure. Sounds good. Gotta go." I don't even wait for her reply before I disconnect. What's happening with Scully has me too distracted to care about anything else. Before returning the phone to my coat pocket I switch it off. I don't want any more interruptions. There is only silence. She keeps her vigil at the window refusing to look my way. I am growing more worried with each second that passes. Finally, I can't stand it any longer. "Tell me." I demand. "This isn't easy for me, Mulder." She stiffens her back, and seems to be preparing to deliver my death blow. "Just say it, Scully. We're best friends. You can tell me anything." A quick ironic laugh escapes her. "Yeah. We're best friends." I have no idea why that should upset her so. I don't think I want to know. But I'm about to find out. Of that I'm certain. She shifts in her seat and turns to face me now. Her eyes seek mine and she lets me see her anguish. I am paralyzed by it. My God, what could this be? "Mulder, I'm in love with you." "Huh?" What did she just say? "I'm in love with you." That's what I thought she said. Jesus Christ! Where is this coming from? I must be dreaming. This is all just a dream. Has to be. I'll wake up soon, take a long cold shower, and everything will be back to normal again. "I've been in love with you for a very long time. I'm only telling you now because I'm having a difficulty coping with the fact that you're involved with someone. God, this is embarrassing." She buries her face in her hands. I'm stunned. "I...I don't know what to say, Scully." "Don't say anything, Mulder. Just let me finish what I need to say." She stares straight ahead out the windshield. "When I so foolishly suggested that you date someone, I was really hoping... Shit!" She shakes her head and starts over. "If you wouldn't mind, Mulder...If you could just be a little more discrete. I think I could handle this much better if you weren't continuously throwing it up in my face." Absolutely unreal. I am suddenly aware that my mouth is hanging open and I close it. It's the only action I'm capable of at this point. She continues. "All I'm asking is that you refrain from the phone calls when I'm stuck riding right beside you in the car. At least at the office I can get up and leave the room. And if you wouldn't mind, could you give me some warning if she's going to drop by at the Bureau? I'd rather not have to face her, Mulder." "My God, Scully. I had no idea." "Oh, for Pete sake, Mulder! How the hell dense can you be? I should think it was fairly obvious how I felt." "Not to me." "Wonderful." She crosses her arms over her chest and rolls her eyes. "Well, that's it, Mulder. I've said what I needed to say. If you don't mind, I'd rather not dwell on this. Let's just get going, okay? We're due in Richmond soon." Is she kidding? She expects me to just go on as if nothing happened? As if she didn't just drop a fucking atomic bomb? "Dana..." xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Dana? Now I'm really scared. Mulder just called me Dana. Like I was a real person or something. A human being with feelings and a heart. I can count on one hand the number of times he's addressed me by my given name. I am touched, but at the same time wary. He's a masterful manipulator, my partner. He's not above using my name as a tool to gain an advantage. He reaches over and runs the back of his fingers along my cheek. Damn him! Can't he see how hard I'm struggling to keep it together? "Dana, I'm so sorry. Sometimes I can be as thick as a post. I swear I didn't mean to hurt you. God, I never want to hurt you." "It's okay, Mulder. I'll be fine. All I'm asking for is a little consideration." If he doesn't stop touching me I'm going to jump out of this car and make a run for it. "I'm not going to see Cynthia anymore." "No!" I turn to him. "Mulder, please. That was not my intention." "I know that." I can't believe I'm about to say this. "Mulder, she's a wonderful woman. She's great. Really. You could do a lot worse. I think you two make a nice couple... What are you grinning about?" I'm glad he sees the humor in all this. "You're a terrible liar, Scully." "Damn it, Mulder. I'm trying." He's obviously recovered from the initial shock. It's amazing how quickly he's become comfortable with the situation. In fact, he seems to really be enjoying himself now. The bastard. Not that I didn't expect as much. And then he does something I really didn't expect at all. He puts his hand behind my neck and pulls me over until our lips meet. Whoa. It's nothing more than a tender kiss but it effectively takes my breath away. Even Mulder seems to be struck by the electricity coursing between us. When we part, both of us just look at each other and we know. There's no turning back. The tiger's been let out of the cage. To be continued... Life is too short to drink bad wine.