Blind Faith II: Matters of Trust (2 of 2) By TBishop27 Rated: NC-17 Category: MSR Warnings: Major angst ahead! Disclaimer: This Mulder and Scully are mine. They have defected from FOX, Chris Carter and 1013 productions because they're horribly misunderstood and never allowed to have sex. Feedback: I eagerly await your comments. As always, flames will be forwarded to that dark part of my writer's imagination that roams the night in search of victims. Author's Note: This is the sequel to Blind Faith which you can find on my archive page. None of this will make much sense to you if you don't read that one first. You can find all my stories at The Literary G-Spot. http://tbishop.freeservers.com/ or http://members.xoom.com/arcticfox42/Tbishop.htm *** Thanks to my beta krewe, David, Shoshana and Shell. And to Webmistress Grasshopper for keeping up the archive. BLIND FAITH II: Matters of Trust (2 of 2) Alex Krycek. "You son of a bitch!" I scream at him. "I'm going to kill you!" My fingers dig into the taut muscles at the sides of his neck, while my thumbs gouge his windpipe. He struggles against me, but I have the advantage of five years of hatred towards this man as leverage. "You fucker! You God damn murdering bastard!" Killing this piece of shit is not good enough. I want to hurt him, make him suffer before he dies. Repeatedly, I bash his head against the door. "Why? Why did you have to kill her? Tell me why, asshole! Did HE order it? Tell me!" I shove him even harder into the door. As he struggles to answer, I ease up only a fraction on my grip. A strangled wheeze is all he manages. "Answer!" I give him just a little more room to gasp a desperate breath. He pulls and claws frantically at my hands, trying to free himself, trying to get the air his body is screaming for. "L...look...look at...her," he pleads with me. "Look at... her... Mulder... damn it! Would you... please... just look?" Aware that it's probably a trick, that when I turn away from him he'll likely take the opportunity to kill me too, or attempt some sort of escape, I pull him with me, keeping him in my line of sight as I chance a look at my partner... hoping against hope that I was wrong and somehow she's still alive. The instant my eyes fall upon her, my hands leave Krycek's neck. God! What is this? What the hell is going on? Krycek switches on the light, illuminating the horror before me. Taking Scully's body from grim shadow to shocking explicitness, as it disintegrates into oozing green acidic foam. My mind refuses to grasp what's happening. This woman... or whatever, she ISN'T Scully? But how can that be? Shit I just... Oh, God! Way to go, Mulder, you get that up close and personal with a woman and you can't even tell she isn't who she's supposed to be. How can she NOT be Scully? "Don't just stand there with your mouth hanging open, Mulder. Help me search this place for bugs! I'm not getting killed because of carelessness." Krychek busies himself around the room, meticulously tearing apart anything that could harbor a listening device. He gives me a sideways glance as I continue to stare at what's left of the Scully look alike. "And if you don't mind, and even if you do, put some damn clothes on." Oh. Everything happened so fast I didn't even realize. I'm not wearing anything but a stupid look on my face. "Sorry," I tell him as I grab up my boxers and slacks and hurriedly pull them on. "I wasn't exactly expecting company. You could have given me some warning, you know. You didn't have to just kill her like that. You're lucky to be alive, Krycek." "I wasn't going to risk her getting away and fingering me to the old man." We both continue to search the motel room for any signs that CGB has been listening in. At one point I stop to stare at the green stain on the carpet, all that remains of the woman I thought was Scully. How could I have ever mistaken THAT for the woman I've shared the last seven years of my life with, the woman who knows me better than anyone else on this planet, the woman whose every physical attribute I've willfully burned into the lens of my photographic memory? "You can stop kicking yourself, Mulder. They're flawless copies... It's easy to be taken in. That's why the old man gave her to you... a replacement for the one that got away... and this one's a hell of a lot easier to control." "I should have been able to tell the difference," I insist. "She's been my partner for more than seven years." "And your lover?" "Look, Krycek, I'm still not sure who's side you're on. I'm not sure of anything at the moment." This isn't easy to come to terms with. And I'm trying to play catch up here, struggling to figure out what all of this means before another move is made and I find myself even more lost and confused. "I know where Scully is... The real Scully. I've had someone tailing her since she left DC." "Why?" Even as I question his motives, I can't help but feel grateful. "Insurance. No offense, Mulder, but you never know who you can trust." <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> I've taken up residence in a dumpy beachside motel in Yarmouth, Nova Scotia. It's a series of small cabins really, their only saving grace being juxtaposition to the beach. I've spent hours walking along the shore, taking in the beauty of this rugged coastline. It's quiet here, peaceful, and the local residents are friendly without being intrusive. If it were not for the frightening fact that I have come here to die, I might even call this fishing community charming. But now that I've taken the drastic step of removing the chip, I know with certainty that my days on this earth are numbered and few. So far I haven't experienced any symptoms of my cancer returning, but it's only a matter of time. Facing my death alone is not a comforting prospect. When the time comes that I can no longer take care of myself, I will simply wait alone in a hospital, a nameless Jane Doe, to be cared for by strangers and ultimately cremated upon my demise. My loved ones will never know what happened to me... but then, it's really best that way. There is a small Catholic church just up the road, St. Andrew's. I've gone there each morning to pray. At least the familiarity of the daily masses I attend gives some consolation in my loneliness and despair. Father Michael talks a lot about the sea in his homilies; he reminds me of Ahab, the way he references the ocean as an explanation of life's lessons and God's teachings. The sea is my comfort, it's eternal ebb and flow, the sound of the waves crashing into the rocky shore, the muted roar of it's immeasurable force, all of this is like a lullaby to my soul. My life is my own now, what's left of it anyway. And despite the consequences of my act of rebellion, it feels good to know that I have chosen my own destiny. True, my choices were limited, and none of them held much promise, but ultimately I made the decision; and it's satisfying to know that my death will have some meaning. My end will enable Mulder to fight another day, and will free him of the tyranny of our enemies. In my heart, I know that Mulder will find a way to prevail, and my sacrifice will not be in vain. Today there's a heavy rain falling, but I didn't let that stop my constitutional... breakfast at the bakery on the corner by St. Andrew's, morning mass, a long walk on the beach, then back to the cabin to make myself a cup of coffee and read an old romance novel I picked up at the local used book store. It's a simple life, predictable and routine... be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. I should have wished for happily ever after... or better yet, I shouldn't have wished for anything more than what Mulder and I have always shared. Ah, the exciting new life of Dana Scully. I must have dozed off after Peter rescued Brigitte from marrying the evil Prince Amir and they ran off together to live as lovers in the South of France. Mulder would tease me unmercifully for reading such sappy fiction; and I wish he was here right now to do just that. I miss his handsome face, his witty charm, the way he always made me feel safe just by being near. I miss his faith in me, his indefatigable spirit, and the bond of our codependency, our partnership that defied definition. I miss his smell, his taste, his touch, the heat of his body up close to mine, and the strong constant beat of his heart as I rest my head upon his bare chest and go to sleep. I miss running my fingers through his thick dark hair, and shivering when he looked at me with such intensity and purpose as to make me feel completely divested of all my defensive armor. With that stare he discovered places in me that I never knew existed, because I was too afraid to look. I miss his eyes... God, how I miss Mulder's eyes. This pensiveness is self-defeating. I have to shake it off. There is no sense wallowing in my loneliness, that will only bring on depression, and make this existence even more unbearable. It's after two. The rain seems to have let up. I think I'll walk into town and buy a newspaper and some groceries for dinner. Sighing, I pull myself up from my chair, stretching out the kinks before slipping on my shoes and coat, readying myself for another trek into the damp coastal elements. As I open the door to leave, something tall dark and handsome is blocking my exit. "You can run but you can't hide." I don't believe it! "Damn it, Mulder! What are you doing here?" "I got a sudden craving for lox and I said to myself, Nova Scotia. And here I am." He smiles. "Funny." My face tells him I am anything but amused. "I asked you not to come after me." Apparently, I'm not as clever at covering my tracks as I thought I was. Either that or what I've always suspected is true; Mulder is worthy of an X-File investigation himself. "Scully, don't be angry." He takes a step foward until our bodies are only inches apart. I don't care if he is using the advantage of sexual attraction to try and tame me, I'm mad as hell at him for disregarding my wishes. "Why shouldn't I? I believe I made it quite clear to you that I didn't want to be found." "Yeah, I got your dear Mulder letter." There is no mistaking the bitterness behind his words. Okay, I deserved that, I suppose. "Please, go back to DC." I say the words but my heart isn't in them. What I really want to do is to beg him to hold me, but I can't show him how desperate I am. Before I know what's happening, he turns me around and pulls me into his arms. He yanks my collar aside and I gasp as I realize too late what he's doing. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> God damn it! I knew it! The only reason CGB would have taken such a foolish risk with that look alike was if he could no longer control Scully. She struggles to get away from me, but I won't let go. I'm furious with her; and right now doing anything against her will is very satisfying to me. How could she do this to herself? "Mulder, let go!" With one arm around her waist, I effortlessly lift her up and carry her further into the room. Being so easily beset does not settle well with Scully. "What in the hell do you think you're doing!" she rages. "I should be asking you that!" I yell right back. "Is this why you left? So you could take that damn chip out and wait around to die!" "It's my life!" She fights to free herself but I refuse to give in. "Damn it, Mulder! Let go!" Her words hold a double meaning. "I can't! I love you! I don't want to ever let go!" "Oh, Mulder... God... You can't fight them as long as they hold me hostage! I tried to walk away, but the chip... they were calling me back. I had no choice." I let up enough on my grip that she's able to turn around and face me. "Put it back, Scully. Before it's too late. Put it back and we'll fight them together. We'll find a way, I promise." "I can't." She touches my cheek with the palm of her hand, her blue eyes softly apologetic. "I sent it back to Smoking Man and I told him where he could put it." If I weren't sick with grief, I'd be proud as hell. She has more courage than I could ever hope to have. She's ready to face another battle with cancer... and do it alone, with unwavering resolve. I can't say the same. The thought of watching her go through that again terrifies me. And the thought of facing the rest of my life without her is unimaginable. "No! Damn it! I refuse to accept this! I'll go back to him on my hands and knees and beg if I have to, Scully..." "Stop! Think about what you're saying. Do you really want to give up everything we've been fighting so hard for all these years? I don't know about you, partner, but working for Smoking Man isn't a life I care to live. I will not be a part of the lie, a part of their sinister plans to bring about the end of the human race. If you look at the big picture, Mulder, I'm a small sacrifice towards a greater goal. You have to see it that way." Determination, every fiber of her being exudes it. Kissing her seems the only sensible thing after a speech like that. And so I do. I hold her face in my hands and kiss her with certitude to match her own. Her lips part easily, allowing me entrance, inviting me to deepen this moment between us. "I wouldn't be so quick to hop into bed with this one, Mulder. She's not as friendly as the last one; I could hear her yelling at you all the way out in the parking lot." I feel Scully stiffen in my arms as Kryeck interrupts our reunion. She pulls away and glares at him. "Shut up, Alex!" I warn him, shooting a threatening look in the his direction. He chuckles, obviously amused by this bit of information he holds over me. Then he moves closer to Scully and eyes her up and down. "Jeez, Mulder, I don't know." He shakes his head. "Get away from her, asshole!" I shove him hard, but the jerk only laughs more. "What's HE doing here?" Scully's eyes narrow with suspicion. "Just helping out a friend," Krycek says as shuts the door and pulls the curtains closed. And they call me paranoid. Scully and I exchange a few silent words about trust, as the rat plops his tail on the bed and proceeds to make himself right at home. "Don't let me interrupt... things were just starting to get good." "Alex, I'm not in the mood for your bullshit right now. Scully and I would prefer to be alone." "Sorry, man, you're going to have to put it in neutral for a while. Our services are required back home. And there's still the little matter of explaining to the old man why YOU killed that lovely redhead in Houston." "What's he talking about?" Scully frowns at me. "We'll explain everything on the way," Krycek tells her. "Get your things together. We've got to get back to DC tonight." My partner's frown becomes a scowl as she turns to the man stretched out across her bed. "I'm not going back. I'm not going ANYWHERE with you!" "Me neither." Scully shoots me a look. Does she really think I would leave her now? As much as I can't bear the thought of seeing her illness return and living that nightmare again, I won't let her face death alone. It's out of the question. She's stuck with me now, no matter how much she protests. And if she thinks she's going to sneak away during the night again, I know one G-Woman who's going to spend her nights handcuffed to her partner. "Oh, I don't think so. You agreed to work with us. My associates will be none to happy if you try and back out now. We've exposed ourselves by letting you in. We can't afford to be vulnerable. We're not going to just let you walk away. It's too dangerous." "You see, Mulder! I warned you he couldn't be trusted." "I'm sick and God damn tired of everyone thinking they own us! If you're going to kill us, Alex, hurry up and get it over with! Your death threat isn't very intimidating considering... Scully removed the chip. I think you understand the ramifications of that. She's as good as dead. And when Smokey realizes I'm beyond his control, I'm as good as dead too." At my words, Scully bows her head. "God, I didn't think of that. How stupid of me!" "That's the thing about checkmate, Scully. You can't win." I pull her into my arms and she doesn't resist. Krycek stares at us nonplussed. "You really don't know how the game is played, do you?" <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Mulder and I are here to face the devil together. Hand in hand we pass through the gates of hell, feeling the flames of deceit and corruption burning around us. Satan stands before us, a thin line of smoke seeping from his lips. "Well, well, Fox, this is an unexpected surprise. And I see you've managed to recapture our rebellous little runaway. It's always a pleasure to see you in good health, my dear." Mulder's voice is unwavering, but his hand is cold with fear. "We're here to make a deal." "A deal? I believe we had a deal. Which, unfortunately, you chose to disregard. Deals are built upon trust, my son. I can no longer TRUST you to hold up your end of the bargain." "You can put the chip back," I accede regretfully, hating myself for ever getting us into this mess in the first place. My leaving accomplished nothing, save for putting us further at the mercy of our enemies. "It's been destroyed." He says it with great pleasure, delighting in the fear he sees in my eyes. "Then manufacture a new one... DAD." Mulder spits the words out with contempt. I refuse to believe that this monster could be his father. There are easy enough ways to verify CGB's claim of paternity, but Mulder seems to have no interest in uncovering this particular truth. Can't say that I blame him. What the hell difference would it make anyway? "And why should I trouble myself?" He stares at Mulder, studying him, intrigued. Enjoying the intricacies of the game. "Because in exchange for giving Scully back her life... with the promise of no more strings attached, we will deliver you the mole whose been working inside your organization." Smoking man grins. "You're becoming a real player. But how can I be sure you're not deceiving your own father?" "You can't." Mulder tells him. "It's, as you say, a matter of trust." ~END~ Life is too short to drink bad wine.