Elvish Lessons By alliwantisanelfforchristmas Summary: Gimli teaches Legolas something new, and Aragorn gets an earful! Disclaimer: Nope, I don’t own them either, though Legolas has been living in my closet since I found him hiding in the corner of the Greenwood movie theater after he fell out of the screen and missed his cue to get back in. A/N: A great BIG thanks to TreeHugger for getting me into writing fan fiction, and for beta’ing for me and coming up with the Elvish phrases. And a great BIG thanks to Yes Dear too—for everything (especially the Legolas poster!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <> Aragorn thought. He held before him another invitation to yet another celebration in honor of the Fellowship. Since destroying Sauron and the Ring, it appeared as if all of Middle Earth wanted to thank them personally. <> The King of Gondor rose wearily from his throne. If he played his cards just right, maybe he could slip past the ever-present guards and make his way to the house that Legolas and Gimli shared. Creeping over to the balcony, he raised himself up over the side and dropped into the branches of the oak tree standing nearby. <> he thought. <> Aragorn made his way down the wide streets, not pausing. He needed to speak with his friends quickly and then get back before anyone noticed his absence. How he longed for the days when he was a mere Ranger and could come and go as he pleased! As Aragorn approached the house, the sound of muted voices wafted from the window to his right. Raising his hand to knock upon the wooden door, he was able to make out the gruff voice of Gimli the dwarf. "Legolas, could you assist me with this?" "I would be happy to, though I know not exactly what the dwarven procedure would be. Mayhaps you would teach me? Something in their voices caused Aragorn to pause. This was not the usual jesting banter between his two friends. The dwarf and elf that he knew were more likely to throw insults at each other, even when working together on something. "You mean to tell me you have never done this before? Not even once in your many centuries of age?" "Nay, Gimli, not with a male, and most certainly not with a dwarf! Though there were several elf maidens in my youth who adventured to persuade me to try it…." Aragorn’s knuckles on his raised hand were almost white, he was clenching his fist so tightly. Obviously he had interrupted something. He slowly lowered his hand, debating as to whether he should return later. "Come over here then, beside me. No, closer even," Gimli’s voice coaxed. "Are you sure?" Legolas seemed hesitant. "I did not realize it required such close approximation." "It seems there are many things a dwarf could teach an elf, given the opportunity. Now, you will need to squirt some of this liquid into your hand," Gimli instructed. "Oh!" Legolas exclaimed. "What is this? It is so….slippery!" "Nice, isn’t it? It works quite well," Gimli advised. " Long lasting, and quite pleasant to the touch." There was a pause, during which a long, soft inhalation could be heard. "And the aroma—very stimulating to the senses" Legolas replied. <>Aragorn thought. <> Aragorn turned to leave. Then his curiosity got the best of him, and he decided to listen just a little longer…. "It’s a good thing you are immortal, Legolas. It’s been such a long time that this could take quite a while." "Just lead me onward, elf-friend." Aragorn leaned back against the stone side of the house. He sank slowly downward to rest on his heels. <>his mind protested<<…..Is it possible that they could about to…? >> "My, Gimli," Legolas murmured. "This is so…dirty!" "Yes, I know." Gimli’s voice sounded rough, even for a dwarf. "How about here, how do I…" Legolas questioned. "Use your thumb, rub it gently round and around, just like that." "I see." Aragorn froze outside the window, his back against the wall. <> "Careful, Legolas! You need to make sure in your haste that you do a thorough job. Don’t miss a single spot. You want to be sure you have coated it well." "Look at this—it’s gotten so hard!" The passion in Legolas’ voice was unmistakable. Aragorn realized he was holding his breath. "And this…. it has gotten quite sticky! What should I do with it?" "Put it in here," Gimli rumbled. "Like this?" "Uhhuhh. Don’t forget to…" "Oh, I see. It is such a big one!" Aragorn could not believe his ears. The voices had gotten so close to the window directly above his head, that if he moved the slightest bit, he would be caught eavesdropping. For some strange reason, the whole situation reminded him of Samwise Gamgee. Maybe it was the herb plants growing in the window planter… "Im gerin al-tirai min ha" Legolas purred. "Ohhhh, trying to use that Elvish Tongue of yours on me, are you?" Gimli growled. "Well, we will just see how far that gets you." "Hurry up, Gimli. I cannot wait much longer." Legolas urged. "It is much too hot." "I know. Go ahead and finish up, let it out." <> a flustered and aroused Aragorn pleaded. <> Suddenly there was an ear-splitting eruption loud enough to sunder the very palace walls several blocks away. "OOHHhhhh!" Legolas cried. "I did not mean to make that noise!" "It’s OK, mellon. Make all the noise you like, no harm was done. Besides, Elves are known for their melodious voices." Abruptly, Aragorn realized he could no longer hear anything. It was a moment before it dawned on him that he had not gone deaf, but was simply still holding his hands over his ears. Lowering his hands, he heard the hushed voices resume. "Gimli?" "Yes, dear Legolas?" "Do I have that look on my face?" "Yes," said Gimli. "So noble. So proud. So…satisfied." "You know, you have that look on your face too!" "I know. You did remarkably well for your first time. Legolas?" "Yes, mellamin?" "Thank you." "You’re quite welcome. Im gelir le anirant im an buia-le" Aragorn groaned aloud, shaking his head in disbelief. A burst of laughter, followed by a blonde and a brunette head appeared in the window above his head. "Why, Estel!" giggled Legolas, with a gleam in his eye, "whatever is keeping you? Do come in!" "Yes," smirked Gimli, "if you had come on in when you got here earlier, you could have helped us with washing the dishes." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ Elvish translations: Im gerin al-tirai min ha: I have never seen one (like) it Im gelir le anirant im an buia-le: I am happy you desired me to serve you ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter 2 The Pranks Continue A week had passed, and Arwen still had not figured out what it was that had changed Aragorn so. His aversion to soap was no secret, but he had always been famous for sneaking in to the kitchens at night and making himself a sandwich. Until now. Since last Thursday, not only did he avoid the bathing areas, but now he avoided the kitchens as well. Especially when the cooks were cleaning up the dishes. "It all started the day he received that last invitation," she thought out loud to herself. "Then he went to Legolas and Gimli’s house to advise them of it. I wonder if either of them knows what happened…." The dwarf and elf were frequent visitors, and were invited to come for the evening meal tonight, as a matter of fact. "I will just draw one of them aside and ask if they know what is going on," Arwen said to no one in particular. Arwen sat at the dressing table, fingering her long dark brown hair. She picked up the brush, and started easing the tangles from it. There had been more tangles this week than she cared to think of. Now that Estel was not waking to sneak downstairs for a midnight snack, he was waking her instead! Making love with Aragorn had always been a passionate affair, but in the last week he had begun to ask her to speak in the Elvish Tongue to him. After the height of passion had waxed and was beginning to wane, he had said "Im gelir le anirant im an buia-le," not just once this week, but twice! Come to think of it, he also was using his hands more creatively as well, especially his thumbs. she pondered. A knock on the door startled her back to the present. There stood Aragorn. "Good morning, Lirimaer," he greeted her. "You look quite ravishing." Arwen smiled. Yes, there was most certainly a change about Aragorn, but it was a good one. "Good morning, Melith-nin," she answered, rising to greet him. Her long full gown of cobalt blue swished and swayed around her as she moved toward him. "That has got to be my favorite gown for you to wear. It makes your eyes sparkle like the stars in the sky. You are a beauty to rival even Elbereth," he said. "You seek to flatter me? Mayhaps to win my affections once more this morning?" she taunted. "Ever to win the affections of you, my lady," he cooed, moving to take her into his arms. "Oh, I think not!" Arwen stopped him with a hand pressed to the center of his chest. "Have you not yet had the opportunity to visit the baths this morning?" thought Aragorn. "I am heading that way as we speak. Would you care to join me?" Aragorn gave her a wink and a lecherous smile. "You know, Estel," Arwen teased, "I never realized before how much washing with soap turned you on…" She stopped, suddenly aware of the change in his expression. A ghost of a memory seemed to have passed in front of his face. "Estel, is something wrong?" she asked. The vision passed, and his face returned to normal. "Why no, my love," he replied, "everything is just fine." With a soft kiss on the lips, they parted, each going about their duties for the day. It was evening ere they were reunited. Dressing quickly, they walked arm in arm to greet the arriving guests. Not that Legolas and Gimli were really guests, since both spent near as much time at the palace as they did at the little house down the hill. "’Tis good to see you again Lady Arwen!" Legolas said with a smile, clasping Arwen’s hands in his. "That dress, it is absolutely stunning! Im gerin al-tiria min ha." Arwen felt Aragorn stiffen. she thought to herself. Now, Legolas," said Gimli. "Do not seek to stun this beautiful lady with your wagging Elvish Tongue! Give her a proper greeting!" Gimli pushed Legolas to the side, and stepped toward Arwen. "Come closer to me, then. No, closer even, that I might give you a proper hug. After all, a dwarf’s arms are mighty, but not very long." Aragorn seemed ready to bolt. His face had gone a deep shade of red. Arwen had not known him to be sensitive to the sun before, but he HAD been outside longer than usual today. Dinner progressed, the feast of fine meats and vegetables from the harvest consumed. As it would happen, Arwen found the evening had passed much too rapidly, and now their guests were preparing to depart for the night. She still had not had an opportunity to speak with either Legolas or Gimli about Aragorn. As farewells were wished, she found herself unable to let it rest. As she hugged Legolas goodnight, Arwen whispered into his pointed ear, "Mayhaps I should speak privately with you sometime tomorrow?" "Certainly, My Lady. Is there something troubling you?" Legolas looked concerned. "’Tis nothing, Legolas, just a question I had that can easily wait until morning." Arwen smiled up at the Prince. "Very well then." To Gimli he then spoke. "Hurry up Gimli. I cannot wait much longer." The dwarf let out a snort, then with a glance at Aragorn’s blushing face, they both bid the King and Queen of Gondor goodnight. Later that night….. "By the Valar, Gimli, someone could shoot you in the dark you make so much noise!" came the hushed tone of the elf’s voice. "Do you hear anything?" mumbled the dwarf. "Of course I do! I am an elf! I hear everything!" came the reply. "Now be quiet!" The dwarf and elf were crouching beneath the big oak tree just beside the balcony that led to Aragorn’s throne room. Fortunately, the King’s bedroom was located just to the other side of the same tree, and it appeared the King was being … uuhhh…. momentarily distracted. Between them they had two very large sacks. Legolas leaped nimbly into the tree’s branches, reaching down to take Gimli’s sack from him. Gimli settled himself between the large roots of the tree as a lookout. Legolas proceeded towards the throne room, using his most stealthy elven abilities. A few minutes later, Gimli saw a shadow on the ledge above his head, and Legolas dropped down beside him. "Did you get it?" Gimli asked. "Of course," came Legolas’ reply. "We should have results in just a few minutes." Suddenly a sharp piercing shriek emanated from the balcony area to their left. There was a loud round of human cursing, followed by a high pitched female voice shouting, "Get it! Get it!" Sounds of furniture tipping over succeeded the voices, and then there was a rumbling noise as if a great waterfall had been unleashed into the room above their heads. The next sound was totally predictable. A duet, in fact. Two voices, crying out into the night as one… "LEGOLAS!" Snickering, the elf and dwarf bolted and ran for the camouflage of darkness. It took almost three hours for the servants to pick up each and every one of the prickly sweetgum balls from the floor of the royal suite. It took Aragorn another hour to locate the pair of lizards that had been hidden in the bed. "You know, I had heard of that particular trick," Aragorn said. "But I had never seen it used. It does take some stealth to tape a bedsheet to the doorframe of your victim’s room, and to fill the gap with sweetgum balls. One would have thought we could hear the first ones as they rolled down the door to the threshold." "You would have thought it impossible to convince a pair of lizards to stay in bed for what must have been several hours too!" whimpered Lady Arwen. "Sweet Elbereth, how I HATE those things! And what a terrible time for them to make themselves known!" "What I want to know is how he knew I would open the door?" mused Aragorn. "That part is easy. He knew you would need help, and at least that my shrieking would have wakened the guards and you would open the door to let them in," Arwen said, her eyes beginning to glimmer. Before long, the two were laughing at the thought of how it must have looked, the King and Queen of Gondor running about naked, tipping over furniture because of two little green lizards. And then the looks on their faces when Aragorn opened the door and hundreds of prickly sweetgum balls came cascading in…. " I am SO going to get him for this," vowed Aragorn. "And I will be at your side, my liege," answered Arwen. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Elvish translation: From Chapter 1 Im gelir le anirant im an buia-le: I am happy you desired me to serve you Im gerin al-tirai min ha: I have never seen one (like) it Chapter 2 Lirimaer: Lovely one Melith-nin: My Love ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter 3 Torech i-negyth (A Dwarf Hole) One fine spring day about a week after the sweetgum ball incident, Gimli received a letter by messenger service. It was sealed with the Seal of the King of Gondor, and the parchment consisted of a note written in the hand of Aragorn's most trusted secretary, which said . . . Dear Master Gimli, The matter of which you are about to read is a matter of extreme importance. It is to be carried forth in the utmost air of secrecy. No one is to know of this, and you should destroy this parchment as soon as you read it. I am in need of a hole in the ground at the edge of the far Western corner of the palace wall. It will need to be crafted in a way that will not compromise the integrity or the strength of the wall, as well as be esthetically pleasing to the eye. I know of no other, man or dwarf, who could accomplish this with the care that you would give. This hole would need to be four feet wide running from northeast to southwest, and 3 feet wide running from southeast to northwest. It should measure 12 feet deep on the side nearest the palace wall, and 15 feet deep on the away side, to assure proper drainage. The southern edge of the hole should be exactly 6 feet from the bottom cornerstone of the palace wall. Adequate care should be taken to ensure that these measurements are followed to the letter. Any gems you find are yours to keep. Please begin the work at sun up on the Tuesday following the day you receive this message. The work should be completed in a single day if at all possible, so speed is of the essence. Once again I caution you that absolutely no one should know of this secret endeavor. You should destroy this parchment immediately. Tell no one of this, including your closest friends and confidants. If anyone asks me for verification of your plan, I will be forced to deny any knowledge of it. I am confident that you will serve the Kingdom of Gondor in your usual but extraordinary way. Sincerely, Aragorn King of Gondor < My, > thought Gimli, < now there is a job for a master dwarf! > He was sure that there was no other capable of following such explicit instructions in the entire kingdom, and most likely no other in the whole region. < It will be an honor to serve the King. > Since the day was Monday already, Gimli realized he must begin digging at sunrise on the following morning. It was already time for the evening meal, so he headed into the little house he shared with Legolas the elf to see what he could do to help prepare the meal. He found Legolas at the kitchen counter, cleaning vegetables with a bowl of water and a small brush. The smell of venison stew wafted about the small room. Gimli quickly tossed the crumpled up wad of parchment into the fire, then turned to regard the elf. Legolas seemed to have dinner well in hand, but the dwarf could not resist teasing him. "I tell you Legolas, we should have convinced Samwise to move with his family to Gondor," Gimli began. "Then we could eat with them, and you would not have to slave so over the hot fire in this tiny kitchen." "It is not above a warrior to cook a simple meal, elvellon*, "Legolas replied. " I rather enjoy the domestic quality it brings out in me. I feel more complete somehow." Gimli let out a guffaw. He loved it when Legolas did things that were rather, well, feminine. It gave him more ammunition to taunt the elf with during their battles of wits. Not to mention that Legolas always insisted on donning that silly apron while he was cooking. Gimli preferred the heavy leather apron worn by the blacksmiths who shooed the horses at the palace stable to the tan canvas one Legolas was currently wearing. "You know, one of these days," Gimli teased, "I'm going to sneak that apron down to the smith's and write 'Kiss the Cook' on the front of it in black tar." Legolas shot him a look that would knock a hundred years off of an immortal's life. "'Tis my apron, and you shan't touch it," he growled. The feminine side was gone. Gimli laughed again, and proceeded to set the table. It would be just the two of them this evening. Legolas placed the vegetables he had carefully chopped into the big wooden bowl for salads, and set it onto the table. Then he ladled two heaping bowls of venison stew into individual bowls for Gimli and himself. Sitting down across from the dwarf, Legolas began the usual small talk that went with the evening meal in every household. Each took their turn telling about the events of the day. Eventually Legolas asked," Was that a messenger from the palace I saw come by just before you came in?" Gimli stiffened, choking down the last mouthful of stew he had just taken in. < Surely he did not see us! > thought the dwarf. < It will not fare well for the secrecy of this quest if Legolas knows about the hole. > "Yes," Gimli made a little noise, clearing his throat, "that was Thingolin. He and I spoke with each other last time I was at the pub; he said he sometimes walks by this way and would stop to say Hello sometime." " I thought I saw him passing a message of some sort to you, on a piece of parchment," Legolas continued. "Merely he asked if I would dispose of an unneeded message he had already delivered," answered Gimli, who was beginning to feel that the fire was a little too strong in here for such a balmy night. "Oh, I see," said Legolas. " 'Tis funny how it looked like one with the Seal of the King of Gondor on it." Legolas fixed the dwarf with one eyebrow raised. "But then, one message often resembles another . . . " Legolas moved then to take the used dishes from the table. Gimli excused himself to get some fresh air, saying the stew had been a little spicy for his taste buds. Watching him from the window, a mischievous glint appeared in the pair of blue eyes that followed him. The next morning, Gimli rose before the dawn. He had worried all night about how he could slip undetected from the house, for Legolas was a very early riser, often known to greet the dawn with a song from his fair voice. He was surprised to see that the door to Legolas' room was still shut. Taking advantage of his unusual luck, the dwarf put into practice the work he had been doing imitating elven stealth, and slipped from the house into the street. He hurried to the Western palace wall, and began making his measurements to the exact specifications Aragorn had instructed. As the dawn broke, Gimli set his shovel to the earth and began to dig. He had gotten about 2 feet down by the 3 by 4 feet he had been told to dig, when he heard a voice call to him, "Halt! In the name of the King of Gondor, whatever do you think you are doing?!" He looked up to find a contingent of soldiers, all bearing the crest of the WhiteTree of Gondor. " I am digging a hole," he replied. "I do not have orders saying to let a dwarf dig a hole under the wall of the palace!" protested the Captain of the Guard. "You will cease this immediately and replace the dirt which you have moved." Seeing no other choice, lest he give up the secrecy of the mission by trying to explain that the King was the one who ordered the hole in the first place, Gimli climbed out with his short sturdy legs and began to refill the hole. He was about 12 shovels full along when a messenger from the palace gate came riding forward. "Halt!" cried the messenger. Speaking to Gimli, he asked, "You are Gimli, son of Gloin I presume?" Receiving a nod from the dwarf he spoke again, " I have orders to allow this dwarf to continue with his work." "Very well then, " replied the Captain of the Guard. "Carry on." The soldiers prepared to leave, and Gimli lowered himself back down into the hole and began again. About the time he got halfway to the bottom of his destination, Gimli heard another shout. "Halt! In the name of the King of Gondor! Stop digging that hole and come out!" Gimli craned his neck up to see a group of 4 men, all also wearing the White Tree on their armor. They were peering down into the hole, wearing a mix of confusion and anger on their faces. He made his way over to the side where he had cut the escape steps, and crawled out of the hole. "We have been given no orders saying it is allowable for a dwarf to dig a hole at the Western wall of the palace!" exclaimed the soldier who appeared in charge. "Who told you to do this thing?" Gimli now found himself in a spot. He had been so looking forward to digging, and to helping Aragorn in a way no one else could help, that he never thought of what he would say if he were caught. To tell the truth, he had thought that Aragorn would have made arrangements so that there would be no disturbances in this corner of the palace for at least as long as it would take him to dig the hole. Not receiving an answer, the soldier ordered Gimli to begin refilling the hole for a second time. About 24 shovels full in, the messenger from the palace gate came riding back again. "Halt! I have orders to allow this dwarf to continue with his work." As the second contingent departed, Gimli crawled back into the hole and began to dig again. Two feet to go all round, and he would be finished. Gimli looked up at the waning daylight. < It should never have taken this long > he thought. As he gazed at the sky, another round of faces appeared. In the midst this time was none other than the King of Gondor himself. "Master Gimli!" Aragorn exclaimed. "Whatever in the world do you think you are doing?" By this time the dwarf had had enough of secrecy. "Can't you see I am digging a hole!" he shouted. "But whatever for?" replied the King. "Aragorn, you know your message said it was to be a matter of secrecy, but honestly, by now it appears as if the entire kingdom knows that a dwarf is digging a hole at the corner of the Western Wall of the palace. I have been at this all day, with more interruptions than I care to discuss from your soldiers." "Gimli," the King responded, "I never said to anyone that I needed a hole dug on this side of the palace wall. I don't even know what a hole on this side would be for. I never sent you a message yesterday at all." From the depths of the hole, the dwarf realized that besides the faces of the crowd peering down at him, and besides what was left of the blue sky above, the only other thing visible from down in this dwarf hole was the topmost branches of an old oak tree, the same oak tree that stood outside the King and Queen's bedroom of the palace within. And in the branches of that tree, as high as the eye could see, there was a flash of blonde hair, and then it was gone. "LEGOLAS!!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Elvish translations: Torech I-negyth-A dwarf hole evellon-elf friend tbc